Assault on a gentle spirit

I warn you that the following post is not my usual type of post. It was written on a day that my heart was heavy with burdens. We all have these sorts of days and it is important to remember during trying times, that there is a greater purpose in our life and keeping our minds and hearts on the end goal and on the Word and Ways of God, will keep us from the temptation to fall away from our path.

One day slips into another. Am I happy? Am I doing all that is important and necessary to my happiness. Do my dreams correspond with my final day’s fulfillment?
How difficult the hours of my day are as I try to fulfill my life’s desires while attending to my children my husband, my friends and family, strangers, enemies and loved ones. Everyone demands a moment of my time...My time, the time that becomes increasingly valuable to me as I grow wiser and older and closer to my final moments.
I am a small voice in the vast ocean of egos that assault this air. No one can hear me and no one cares to hear me because most are consumed by their own desires and dramas. I listen to their needs attentively hoping that it will inspire one to return the courtesy. Most never do and never will. This is the world and I must continue to breathe in it even as the air is assaulting my lungs and giving me cancer.
I must smile and forgive even as I feel the next assault coming on.
I am promised a place in the kingdom if I can only remain a pillar on earth. I shall abide because I cannot imagine an eternity without light, without comfort without the king of kings attending to my many wounds. Oh and they are many. My gentle spirit has been through the spin cycle too many times and counting.
What does it all matter anyhow? The money, the glory, the riches, the clothing. The fancy homes and shiny accessories? These things can never bring me the peace that I so dearly crave and need. What I crave, what I need are the molecules, the itsy bitsy fragments of cells in my body that tell my brain to tell me that I am happy and healthy, peaceful and loved. Appreciated and cared for. Everything is so senseless. Glory to God for the way the truth and the life, for without it my life would have no purpose, no form and shape.
Words printed and visible for the eyes to read make my voice louder than it can ever truly be.

~Ecclesiastes 12: 13+14~

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:Fear God, and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.